


You are my Sunshine

by InkCaviness



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Past Lives, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, it almost has a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-17 11:05:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3526910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkCaviness/pseuds/InkCaviness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The other night dear, as I lay sleeping<br/>I dreamed I held you in my arms </p><p>But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken<br/>So I hung my head and I cried. </p><p>~</p><p>They meet again, and again, and again, but they can't hold onto each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You are my Sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go again

_You Are My Sunshine, my only sunshine  
You make me happy when skies are grey _

~

The first time they meet seems like a dream.

Daichi finds Suga under colourful trees and their faces are bright with wide smiles.  
Life couldn’t be going any better and they walk their way with their fingers entwined and a skip in their steps. Laughter pearls off of Suga’s tongue and Daichi wishes he could just stop time in that moment and watch his smile forever. Their kisses taste like cherries and sunshine warms their skin and maybe it all is too perfect.  
It comes slowly and starts with dark shadows under amber eyes and tired smiles, but Suga still says,

“I’m fine, don’t worry, just a little bit tired.”

His shoulders bow under an invisible weight and Daichi’s heart crawls up his throat as he watches and can’t do anything, because this isn’t something that he can just take away.

Suga’s breath is ragged and he wheezes out coughs that leave red streaks on his hands. He still smiles even though he can’t get out of bed anymore and the marks under his eyes get darker and darker every day.  
Daichi doesn’t leave his side and his back goes stiff from weeks of sleeping in the plastic chair next to Suga’s bed.

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

Daichi doesn’t want to talk to anyone anymore, he can’t take their pitying looks and shaking heads and there is no one else to share his pain.  
He goes silent as he watches Suga fade away a bit more with each passing day.  
Why should he talk to the doctors and nurses?  
Why should he talk to his colleagues that can’t even look him in the eye when they say their condolences?  
Why should he talk to anyone at all?  
Suga can barely lift his head anymore and he looks small, so small in those stark white sheets. His hands shake, but he still grips Daichi’s arm tightly.

“Don’t worry.”

It’s over faster than anyone thinks and Daichi isn’t even there to say goodbye. Suga urged him to go, just go, buy some coffee, you look like death itself. He smiled one last time, and he had seemed almost like his old self in that moment as he shooed Daichi out of the door.

“I’m tired anyway.”

When Daichi comes back there is no one to smile at him anymore.  
At night he lies awake and stares at the ceiling and he can’t close his eyes even though this is the first time that he sleeps in a real bed in weeks.  
The space next to him feels too cold, too empty.

~

_You'll never know dear, how much I love you  
Please don't take my sunshine away. _

~

The second time they meet is over in a heartbeat.

Their eyes meet across a battlefield, the smell of blood and gunpowder makes breathing unbearable. Somehow Daichi feels like he’s know the ashen haired man forever even though he’s never seen him before.  
Amber eyes widen before the man slumps forward and hits the earth. A scream rips out of Daichi’s throat and he doesn’t know what he’s doing but suddenly he’s down on his knees, hugging the limp body to his chest. He’s not quite gone yet and shallow breaths hit Daichi’s face but he can’t stop screaming.  
He lays the man down again, as careful as he can and desperately presses his hand on the wounds in his chest. Blood seeps through his fingers and it won’t stop, it won’t stop, it won’t stop; tears are streaming down his face.  
He knows he should move, he knows he should just run, but he can’t. He can’t just leave the man behind who grips his arm tightly and whispers something.  
Daichi leans forward until he can hear the quiet words,

“Don’t worry, I’m just a bit tired.”

A smile tugs at the dying strangers lips before the light body goes limp in Daichi’s arms.  
A searing pain rips through Daichi’s shoulder. And again, and again and again, but he doesn’t even look up, even though his body feels like it’s standing in flames.

He falls forward; his arms still wrapped around the other mans body.

I never even knew his name.

Everything goes black around him.

The battlefield is fast abandoned, no one collects the wounded, and no one collects the dead.

No one finds the two soldiers that died in an embrace,

Two different uniforms,

Two different sides,

But neither will see their home again.

~

_The other night dear, as I lay sleeping  
I dreamed I held you in my arms _

~

Their next meeting was going so well.

The house is too empty and Daichi can’t help but worry.  
It’s not too unusual that Suga is late, he always apologizes, he always comes home, but somehow that day seems different.  
Daichi tries to call him, but no one picks up. He tells himself he shouldn’t worry too much, but of course it doesn’t work and he tries to call again, and again, and again, and he almost throws the phone at the wall when he hears the voicemail message for the fifth time.

Suga doesn’t come home that night and Daichi spends the night on the couch, curled up under a thin blanket with his phone gripped tightly in one hand.

Suga doesn’t come home the next day and Daichi calls everyone who might have seen him, but no one has.

Maybe he left, maybe his car just broke down, maybe he needs some distance for a while.  
Daichi worries himself sick but Suga doesn’t come home.

Three days pass and the apartment gets emptier and emptier with every day. The TV is running but Daichi isn’t even paying attention, he just stares ahead with blind eyes.

Unidentified body found in nearby river.

He doesn’t need to take a second look; the short picture on the news is enough for him to recognize the light blue jacket and silvery hair.

He throws up, and cries, and picks himself up from the floor, and before he realizes all that’s happening he’s out of the door.

He manages to identify the body before he breaks down again.

He throws up, and cries, and he almost can’t pick himself up from the floor again.

The couch becomes his new bed and he doesn’t move for a week because his legs are made of lead and his heart drowned in the river.

But he picks himself up.

Again,  
And again,  
And again.

~

_But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken  
So I hung my head and I cried. _

~

The fourth time is a ghost of a memory.

Suga is skin and bones wrapped in a black leather jacket with a cigarette hanging from his trembling lips and Daichi fears that he will crumple away under his fingertips.

The circles under his eyes are etched into the skin with pitch black ink and his skin has never been paler before. A maze of cuts spreads out on his body and this time Daichi can stop the bleeding but that’s not enough.

He knows he can’t fix Suga and it hurts more than he could ever say with words.

He can’t fix him, but still tries to stay by his side, while Suga works on putting the puzzle pieces of his soul back together. They don’t fit, they just break apart further and further with every try.

Daichi can barely remember Suga’s smile or what his eyes looked like with anything but despair filling them.

His face is too thin, and his ribs stick out too much. In the end his fingers shake so much that it takes him three tries to light his cigarette.  
Bruises spread across his arms and the cuts get more, and more, and more.

Daichi’s heart shatters like Suga’s bones when they hit the concrete sidewalk after a fall out of the tenth floor window.

~

_You Are My Sunshine, my only sunshine  
You make me happy when skies are grey _

~

The next time is a beautiful melody in the night.

Suga’s voice is the most beautiful thing that Daichi has ever heard.  
Amber eyes twinkle with joy and the laughter rings back in his songs and Daichi doesn’t want to miss a single word that escapes those soft lips.

They almost make it.

Diagnosis: Throat cancer.

Three words destroy their world.

Three words steal Suga’s voice and suffocate his laugh.

Three words leave them in silence.

He gets better and for some time his smile returns and it looks as if everything could turn out okay, even though his voice stays gone.

He falls faster than anyone could have anticipated.

Three weeks and all that’s left is a smooth, white headstone with a flying dove engraved next to his name.

Daichi still has the records, but they aren’t the same. He can’t hear Suga’s voice like that anymore, when it’s just a ghost of what used to be real.

He packs them away and never listens to them again.

~

_You'll never know dear, how much I love you  
Please don't take my sunshine away. _

~

The next time Daichi is alone but his love isn’t.

When he finds Suga, there is already someone by his side; there is already someone there to make him laugh.

They’re still friends, and Daichi would rather have this than nothing at all, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

Someone else gets to kiss his smiling lips when they graduate from college.

Someone else gets to say Yes, I do on a sunny Sunday afternoon while Daichi sits in the front row and feels his stomach churn.

Someone else gets to hold him every night and Daichi wants to happy for his best friend, but it just hurts too much.

In the end he wishes it would have just stayed like this, even if it meant seeing his love in the arms of someone else for the rest of their lives.

The road is dark and they’re only a block away from Suga’s house and Daichi stares ahead while his friend chatters animatedly next to him.

Daichi wishes the car had come from the other side, but it didn’t.

He ends up with an arm in a cast and a best friend in a casket.

All he wishes for is another chance.

~

_You Are My Sunshine, my only sunshine_

~

He gets his chance.

He lives to old age.

It’s his 79th birthday when he finally meets Suga. It’s pure coincidence that they walk into the same café but Suga’s smile is still the same, even though his face is wrinkly and soft and he walks with a cane.

That day Daichi is the one who falls down.

His heart gives out and he’s gone by the time the ambulance is there.

~

_You make me happy when skies are grey_

~

They’ve been friends since they were half a year old and when they’re in high school they’re inseparable.

Daichi always waits in front of the school for Suga, but this day his best friend doesn’t show up. Suga is never late and whenever he stays home sick he texts Daichi.

The bell rings and Daichi really doesn’t want to go inside without his friend but he gives in.

Suga doesn’t come in late.

Suga doesn’t show up for lunch.

Suga doesn’t wait outside the school gate for him.

Later Daichi finds out that a drunk driver hit his friend.

No one ever knew him quite as well as Suga did.

Afterwards he wonders how well he even knows himself.

~

_You'll never know dear, how much I love you_

~

In some lives they never get to say I love you.

~

_Please don't take my sunshine away._

~

  
This time around they have a team at their side and Suga’s smile is back and for once it looks like everything will be okay.

The only tears they shed are about lost games and all those past memories are nothing more than a vague shadow at the back of Daichi’s mind.  
He knows they’re there, but he can’t really remember them, and he doesn’t even want to, because right now everything is still fine.

And maybe, just maybe it will stay like that.

**Author's Note:**

> Big shout-out to my lovely beta, Sierra!! And thank you for that fantastic idea, Benji, you know which one I mean


End file.
